the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
