i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
