maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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