i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
