I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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