grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
