"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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