Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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