It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
