Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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