i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
