Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
