so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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