sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
