So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
