Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
