oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
