I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
