I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Small penises have feelings too.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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