TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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