11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
