dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
