God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
