Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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