This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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