Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
