just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
