If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
