i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
