I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
