What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So much rum. So many feels.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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