Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There are leaves in my underwear?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
