some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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