Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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