Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
