Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
