i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
