Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
