I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
