It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
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forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
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The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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