What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
