a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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