he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
