What did we do last night that was yellow?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
