Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
