My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
