yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
