She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
