I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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