Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks

(917): View more from New York City

this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed

(917): View more from New York City

he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?

(718): View more from New York

messed up. what color are the wings?

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself

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(402): View more from Nebraska

WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!

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(+61): View more from Australia

Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for

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