Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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