I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
