I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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