just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
