You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
