Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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