She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
