Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
