i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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