I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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