I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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