I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
