Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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