the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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