I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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