I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You may now shotgun with the bride
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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