Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
