dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
