good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
