...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
