Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
