for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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