hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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